Spoonies you are NOT failing, the medical system is failing YOU.

If you are looking for a sign not to give up, this is your sign. Please take a moment to read this if you feel like you have failed, or you feel like giving up or already have given up trying to get better. Do not give up. Unlearn that which does not serve you. Believe the impossible is possible. Do not stop raising your voice to be heard, seen & felt. I hear you; you matter & so does your life. 

There was an experiment on mice, they were placed into a maze with an objective to escape the maze. Let's call them Group A & Group B. In Group A, scientists would intervene if a mouse got closer to the exit they would be rewarded with cheese. They discovered those mice tried even harder than Group B mice to escape as they were rewarded with positive reinforcement. 

As Group B inched closer to the exit they would recieve an electric shock, a negative reinforcement. Until eventually, they began to associate trying to escape with pain & fear. Mice in Group B stopped trying to escape the maze. 

What if I said, the reason you feel like a failure or you want to give up is because you may be in group B?

We have been conditioned by particular rules, ideals & the culture we are exposed too. From personal experience healthcare in the UK is not like other parts of the world, although it may be 'universal' there is a limit to their help. I believe the medical system believes it is easier for them if we were to give up on the notion of wellbeing - people with chronic illness fight tooth & nail to find a cure for their conditions. Peppered with judgemental comments like 'treatment doesn't work on you, this will not work' negatively reinforcing that it is pointless to try otherwise. It's almost like they want you to give up. 

The Mice in group B were conditioned to learn helplessness. Helplessness is not something we are born feeling. From out of the womb, as a curious baby we were not thinking we were failures. Our belly rolls were things of pride & joy. We were unashamed, fearless despite knowing little of the world. Logically it makes no sense if you believe you are now a failure, you did not believe that when you were a baby. 

I started to reflect on why I feel like I have failed the medical system, this I realised was learned helplessness in action. What we are conditioned to feel. If every route we try to escape the maze, we are greeted by an electric shock, a derogatory comment, a judging look - no cheese in sight. You are NOT failing if the treatment does not work on you. The medical system is failing YOU. 

Why is it seen as shameful to want no pain? why should we feel shame or guilt when we take a painkiller to reduce our suffering?  Not to suffer is a human right. Article 5 - freedom from torture and degrading treatment and Article 25 - right to adequate living standard. 

Why do I find myself hesitating to take a pain killer when I need it, because of the way we have been conditioned. To ask for stronger medication is shameful as people fear they will be judged by society as an addict or more likely to become an addict as a result. 

I realised after being passed from doctor to doctor, specialist to specialist, like a hot potato. We are judged on our 'success rate' of treatments. If our success rate in treatment is low, the medical system is less likely to risk funding such treatment if the previous one has failed. I am in that boat but I am too stubborn to believe that bullshirt for long. 

If one thing doesn't want to work, I want to try the next thing, & the next thing. I urge you to do the same. Your quality of life is at stake, don't give up. Fight. Please do not stop trying to escape this maze. Your human rights, your quality of life; dignity & wellbeing is right at the end of that maze. Even if you are reading this and you do not have chronic pain, and find yourself unable to relate to this, this can be applied to anything. Unlearning is as equally important as learning. Who says things must be this way and never dare to challenge it?