Self Worth - Unshakeable faith

The definition of self-worth means to have ‘unshakable faith in yourself’. I have faith in my ‘---' be it courage, strength, intelligence, kindness etc.  Your worth is defined by you, not by external circumstances. This week this was a reoccurring theme in clients,  they were shaken by someone else projecting their own version of them, onto them. ‘I must be ‘x’ because so and so thinks I'm ‘x’. 

Self-worth is not defined by what people say or think about you. It's not defined by; age, success, disability, profession, a number on a scale or your bank balance. Our worth is something we piece together ourselves. The very word ‘SELF’ worth, there is no OTHER. We can exhaust ourselves pleasing others and seeking to meet their expectations in order or fit into the norm. It is part our culture of tribalism and our inherent need to belong, our conditions of worth. I must be 'x' to be loveable. 

This week was exhausting for me, as like my clients, my self worth was defined by external circumstances. It felt like the world was on fast forward and I had to race ahead to catch up. I kept comparing myself to the stages other people were at in their lives. Why couldn’t I be normal? What is normal anyway? The definition of normal, means being ‘standard, like everyone else’. We are not like everyone else; no two people are alike to an exact science. Even identical twins differ in personality, everyone is living their own life, in their own way, no one has the exact memories, experiences and relationships as you do.

I was harsh on myself when I had to take breaks and miss out on events whilst being unwell. I felt like life was a sprint, when it’s a marathon. My condition of worth was based on how quickly I achieved tasks, if I didn't do anything then I wasn't worth anything. Sounds dark but that's where my mind was at. I was in the doing mode and not 'being'. Society has this way of making you feel like you have greater worth if you are achieving something big, but then we forget to take note of the little achievements. I kept wondering -‘Why couldn’t I keep the pace of everyone else?’ My boyfriend told me this week, that 'it's ok to go at your own pace'. Who am I racing for? racing certainly wasn't for the benefit of my health. It's ok to set small and manageable goals, no matter how small, you've achieved something today. So give yourself permission to slow down.

“There's no advantage to hurrying through life." -Shikamaru Nara

“Enlightenment must come little by little - otherwise it would overwhelm.”― Idries Shah.

“Every flower blooms at a different pace.” ― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

These sayings ring true, we bloom at our own pace, there is no right way to live our lives, only to live it authentically. Live our own truth. Toss expectations to the wind and remind ourselves that the only person we should be comparing ourselves to is the person we were yesterday.

So don’t strive to be what so and so wants you to be, don’t strive to be normal, strive to have unshakeable faith in yourself. Strive to celebrate your individuality and the amazing person that is you. I was listening to a youtuber called Aibola and on one of her talks she was saying we are all the wave and our creator, be it the whatever god or universal force you believe in, (if you're not religious your parents and our ancestors and so forth) that is the ocean which we were created from, it's a part of us. 'You have royalty in your DNA' . Think of all the events that had to transpire in order for us to be born? think of all the thousands of cells that are working for us at this very moment. We are all a part of something divine. Ultimately, we decide who we are, we may have influences, but we forge our own path. Even if it seems like eight paths have been ventured. As Hunter S. Thompson once said, ‘You must find a ninth path.’

In order to find our ninth path, we must decide for ourselves what resonates with who we are and take care of ourselves along that path. If our basic needs aren’t being met, and our fire is burning out how can we keep maintaining 'full speed ahead'? We can't. You may have heard of this plane analogy, when a plane is going down, we must put the oxygen mask on ourselves before putting it on someone else. 

‘Be aware of who you are, what you're good at
Take a step forward, see where your foot's at
Stand tall, stand proud, talk loud
Every word out your mouth has purpose now’ - 'All these thoughts' by Neffex

Stand tall, stand proud, be a wave to be reckoned with. Through self awareness, we can own the parts of us that we once felt ashamed of or tried to conceal.  Whilst on this ninth path, give yourselves permission to take a break, exercise self care, slow down, allow yourself to feel your emotions and be authentic. When we own who we are, when our actions and feelings are in alignment, we have unshakable faith in ourselves.

~ Namaste