Anxiety

This is serves as a reminder to my future self and I hope that what I talk about in this article is useful to someone else, perhaps you can relate to some of it with your own experiences with anxiety. 

Anxiety, is a black, curdling, sludge monster that infects every thought on your mind’s conveyor belt. Seeping into the positive and eroding it. It likes whisper or even shout at you- telling you aren’t good enough, you’re inadequate, what if this happens? The worst thing you can think of will happen - and on and on this monster continues, tainting your bright thoughts into dark sludgy ones. Are you going to sit and let this monster mess up your thoughts like this? Are they in control? Or are you? Time to wrench out a hose and cleanse that sludge monster. But are we aware that even though, times have evolved our minds are actually behind in their evolution, as clever as they can be, even with the prospect of neuroplasticity. Our minds are outdated. This can cause us all kinds of mental health and psychosomatic problems.

Initially, worry, was built into us, in our primitive age for survival, to keep us safe from all manner of things like sabre tooth tigers. But in this day and age, our mind is an old programme, times have evolved and our mind is programmed to respond to fear – freeze, fight or flight. I’ve been trying to unlearn those patterns – I ask myself if what I’m worrying about really matters at all, it could be something small like what if the laundry doesn’t get done today? or something big like an unresolved financial decision. I then ask myself, if it matters can I control it? If I can control it, what can I do to reduce anxiety? do I need to look at it from a different perspective? ask for help? Do I need to research into it to gain a better understanding of it? Can I make manageable goals/steps to achieve a resolution?

If you worry about something, it doesn’t stop the thing from happening - in actuality there is a large chance that the thing you are worrying about might not happen at all. I hear you saying BUT IT MIGHT HAPPEN – yes, it might but we have inner resources and support networks to get through hardship. Whatever we are worried about may seem so trivial, or maybe you are worried about something big but can you control it? If not, to quote the Dalai Lama “If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” We can only accept it, adapt and move forwards.

Courage is not the absence of fear.

I know it is easier said than done, I have generalised anxiety and my brain has a conveyor belt of worries right after one has been neatly stored away/resolved another is in line and the sludge monster is working its way from the back of my mind factory, inching closer. However, we spend so much time in our own heads that we lose sight of the present moment. Therefore, I’ve been trying to be mindful, to ground myself when I feel anxious, to focus on my surroundings, the colours around me, the senses, anything to bring myself out of my head and into the present.

To quote Master Oogway in Kung Fu Panda, "Your mind is like this water, my friend. When it is agitated, it becomes difficult to see. But, if you allow it to settle, the answer becomes clear.” Allow those murky waters to settle. For me, it helps if I visualise a pool of water with active ripples going crazy trying to match the same wavelength of my thoughts. I take a deep breath and with that breath I imagine the wind sweeping those ripples away, with each exhale turning the waters into a calm stand still. Just the act of visualising it can make you feel a little better.

Don’t let life pass you by, worrying never solves anything, even if we were raised to think that it would keep us safe. There are times when it does more harm than good, in the case of GAD. Tap into your inner resources, your support networks, your hobbies, find a genuine passion in your life. You are not defined by your physical or mental illness, you are not defined by what you look like, your age, your financial status or a number on a scale. Your design is perfect exactly as you are. But be mindful that our fear program has expired and is often faulty.

If you’re ever in doubt or feel out of control, focus on what you can do, do not worry about what you cannot do. Life is short and life is a gift, do not let life pass you by, by worrying about all that could be, should be, will be. Take it one step at a time, trust in your inner strength and know you are bigger than any problem that will come your way.

So forget the thing you are worried about for a moment and go do something you love to do, cultivate self-care resources, express some self-love and put more love out there in the universe.

~ Namaste