25 years 25 lessons

1.       Analysis is paralysis –  No amount of overthinking will enable you to avoid every potential thing that could go wrong. Brooding and ruminating only makes the problem bigger  – it is better to take a step back from that niggling question in your head, recharge those batteries and return to the situation with fresh eyes.  As Socrates once said ‘I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.’  Even the world’s greatest philosophers do not have all the answers.

2.      Every day may not be a good day but there is something good in everyday – You ever go through one of those days where you get out of bed and stub your toe, you have this horrid feeling that everything will go wrong and so it does? By shifting our focus to welcome the possibility of good things today.  You will notice something different, it wasn’t because you were having a terrible day, but because we were focused on the wrong things and the pleasant ones slipped by us.  You might have forgotten that you got a compliment that day, to look up at the sky and realise that it is a beautiful day, or that your favourite song came on the radio. It’s the little things that make a world of difference.

3.      Try to reach out to a variety of people – Don’t just stick to your ‘click’ those who have the same interests etc . ‘They are too out of my league to talk to, they’re too intelligent, too fierce, too different etc’ Connect with those whose ideals and values differ from you – and try to understand their way of thinking for a moment, you might just learn something new.

4.      Trust in the universe – The universe is working hard on our behalf every day, ‘what we think we become’ – Buddha, if we put out positive thoughts we shall receive them, if we project negative thoughts they will also attract us.

5.      If your thoughts aren’t serving you let it go – We have 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day, how many of those are negative? Let your thoughts empower you and serve you towards your goals rather than convince you of 50,000 ways things can go wrong. 

6.      Always be kind/compassionate – Even to those who are unkind to you, you may find that they need kindness the most. Being kind costs nothing and yet, that small act of kindness can create a ripple effect or be the difference of someone’s bad day turning into a good day.

7.      Listen – There is a great power in active listening, without speaking, just be present.

8.     You only fail if you fail to try – This is the motto my family instilled me with,  if we never try out of the fear of failure, we’ve already failed by default.

9.      Creativity is good for the soul - If I'm having a dark day, I allow myself to dream, an anxious day, I visualise calm/happy situations, if my emotions are getting the better of me I draw or write to give me a creative outlet. One thing my father told me that I won’t forget ‘Don’t worry about feeling upset fuel it into your writing’

10.  Be considerate of another’s feelings – Never diminish another’s experiences – this isn’t a contest. We are human, everyone’s pain and suffering matters. It has always been a goal of mine to understand each person’s suffering, to acknowledge it, listen and help others mold their pain into passion and inner strength.

11.   Keep an open and non-judgemental mind –  You might hear something negative in the media or a prejudice idea about a: religion, lifestyle, race, sexuality etc. Just stop and get to know those people, see that community for yourself before you judge it.

12.  No one is perfect – Even our idols on social media, we assume their highlight reel is their everyday reality. The Dalai Lama once said, ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ – you could be envious of a relationship, career, house etc. but not everyone’s life is sunshine and rainbows.

13.  Surround yourself with things you love to do – I have a list I keep next to my desk, when my negative mind seeks to take control. This list has hobbies that bring me immense joy. So out of self-care to myself, even if I may not feel like it, I will do a few things on that list, if it is making a blog like this, doing a podcast, editing a chapter of my novel, creating a new sketch, listening to my favourite playlists etc. ‘Happiness can be found in the darkest of places if only one remembers to turn on the light’ – Dumbledore

14.  Laugh often – Even when you feel like you don’t want to, turning on a stand-up comedy or movie and just laughing your heart out is great for the soul. As they say laughter is the best medicine.

15.  People are more alike in their humanness than you might think - even if they appear like a Greek god/goddess outside, they too are human, they too go through pain such as loneliness, heartache, disconnection, depression, anxiety, etc.

16.  Live your truth – It’s never too late to change your lifestyle if it doesn’t serve you, one of my changes is becoming a vegetarian. I always felt an internal conflict, disgust and guilt every time I ate meat, I realised it was making me miserable. Live your life honestly don’t conflict with your inner values and beliefs, they are our core. If you feel disconnected to others, it could be a disconnection with yourself that you’re not addressing.

17.   Ask questions – but ask sensitively – Instead of making assumptions about someone else, or wondering why they have this lifestyle, religion, this chain of thought, whatever it might be we learn more by just talking it out in a non-accusatory manner, otherwise they will go on the defensive and counter-intuitive.

18.  Having a purpose is important – If your purpose aligns with your passions you’re more likely to make it happen.

19.  Be authentic – Don’t change for anyone – If you do decide to change, change to better yourself, don’t change just to appear more attractive or to gain approval of another person. Being a people pleaser will turn you into a chameleon, your identity will become fragmented – if that happens we have to take time to rediscover ourselves again.

20. Self-development is a journey that never ends – Never think it’s okay I know myself now, there will always be things about us that surprise us. We might snap in an argument, we might feel jealous for what appears like no apparent reason – but there is always a reason. We must see the good, the bad and the ugly in ourselves, because we all have these sides.

21.  Don’t be afraid of being different – In society being different has somehow become a negative thing. Differences can connect us, not divide us.

22. Time is precious – Never take a moment for granted, if you must fight, don’t let those fights drag on, make up quickly life is too short to hold onto grudges and hatred. We might not get that moment back to reconcile, or we might find that we’d give anything to have that moment back that we weren’t present in.

23.  Always look to gratitude not what you lack – People say this all the time but, no amount of money can bring you happiness, no materialistic item can bring you happiness or peace. Celebrities who seem to have it all, can be incredibly lonely and depressed, just look at shocking number of suicides of celebrities this year. Don’t think I’ll be happy when – I get that mansion, that Lamborghini, whatever it is, those things won’t bring you happiness - it's a trap.

24.  Never stay in your comfort zone – Push yourself to learn, do new things and have new experiences. Regret is the one emotion that is hard to shake – I wish I just went to that party, I wish I just did that thing, I wish I just told them how I feel – whatever it might be, don’t live with regrets.

25.  Trust yourself you have all the answers within you – Even if you feel like you have no clue how to beat whatever it might be, you are strong and deep down you know what you need to do.

~ This is what I've learnt so far, I hope it can help someone else. 

Namaste 

Han