Alienation

As I lay here in my bed, thoughts running through my head- [props to those who can guess that song]. Anyways -  my movements have been restricted for the day which sucks because I can see the beautiful blue skies that I long for. So instead I go to a place in my head and create a happy place with vast blue skies and endless oceans. 

[Note: Vitamin D is highly important to your mental health if you can get some sunshine I encourage you to do so.] 

I can sit outside for a little while but then the pain takes over and I have to go back and lie down. But in my head, I can stay there sunbathing for as long as I wish. 

Then there are moments when I feel alienated and I wonder if the home I reside in slowly turns into a cage. Don't get me wrong just because I'm in pain doesn't mean I feel trapped all of the time. I am quite the home-bird. I do enjoy time in solitude listening to the birds' sing, reading a book, sipping herbal tea. Enjoying stillness. I may be introverted but I am ever so grateful for the wonderful supportive aliens I've met along the way. 

Though there are times I start to feel like a spectator of life rather than a participant. Let's say life is like a marathon, I'd be on the sidelines - the one holding out the water for the other runners - subtly whispering “Now that's what I call high-quality H2O.”  [Water boy reference].  

Here I go with another metaphor -  imagine life is like a beach, we're all on it. Most people begin by dipping their toes into the water and then swimming around carefree, let's call that water life for the time being. 

I am on the shore, my body has been buried in the sand like those games you play as children when seeing how deep they can bury you as you lay there doing your best to look like a majestic beached mermaid. I'm in the sand, trying to wiggle my toes, my body, my fingers free wanting to get out so I can join the water just like everyone else. 

I observe them and long to be like those aliens who look free when they move, they can sprint, and splash in the water. It makes me wince as I think that movement has to hurt, it makes my head spin trying to calculate each movement, as they laugh, walk - move. Then I realise most aliens do not have to map out their actions like I do. - Here's another metaphor - I'm a sim with limited actions in my action bar. I have to pace myself, or I will pass out on the floor or end up needing to converse with a really creeping-looking 'social' clown. 

I am aware this probably sounds depressing but this is an honest account of my feelings. One day I'll be able to wriggle my fingers out of the sand and dip my toes into the water too. All is not lost. It just takes a little bit of persistence to keep trying, and trying and trying to shift the sand no matter how futile it may seem. Grain by grain, little by little. 

This can also apply to any area of your life - try to clear away some sand so that you can renew your focus.

- Han