Emotions

Do you know that animals literally shake off their fear or trauma? -  humans are the only ones who have evolved to just squash all of their emotions down. Honestly, that's not working out great for us. 

However we are one of the few species that feels empathy - maybe this is why we squash so many feelings down until they stick to us. Like those bloody sticky buds in your garden that cover your clothes. [ Please don't mistake me in thinking that animals don't have emotions either, I believe they do, but it is the advanced level of empathy that only we possess]. 

To what extent does caring excessively become paralysing? 

I have often been told I am 'too nice' I am a firm believer in being kind to others and helping them when they need it, but being creatures of empathy, we live in a generation where we seek validation. 

How much of our actions are because we want to help someone, or the gratification or validation we seek when we do something good? 

For example do you give lunch to a homeless person because you feel good about it? or do you do it so you can later brag on social media to others how generous you are? - Intention is key. 

We post pictures on social media and hope to recieve likes or post high lights of our lives and try to make it appear as perfect as possible. It's all an illusion. We are seeking instant validation as we are taught to feel ashamed of our emotions - young boys are often told by their mother's 'big boys don't cry'. We're told how we should be and want to check in on others to see if this is right. The same way young girls end up scrutinising with their friends over what to text their crush back. We run it by others - we've been taught to mistrust our intution and our emotions. 

Emotions in the name, need motion we need to be allowed to feel them and express them in a healthy outlet otherwise they stick - and depression is gorilla glue level of sticky. 

Supressed emotions, really sticky emotions - later manifest within our body as physical symptoms. There is science behind this, and part of the battle I've faced with managing chronic illness is learning how to navigate turbulent emotions as it only amplifies my pain. 

I have been in a cycle of overthinking all week stuck in a rut for reasons unknown.  Overthinking everything, my life, my relationships, my purpose, my dreams. Wondering why do I allow what people say about me, to matter so much? Why should it matter what they think of me when my opinion of myself is the only one that really counts. 

We plant seeds of negativity in our mind garden, and eventually when it becomes overgrown or wilted - it's strangled out the positive seeds. Hope is not lost however as neuroplasticity means we can weed out negative thoughts and sow new seeds - our brain can rewire itself shiny new habits and thinking patterns - through behavioural activation - i.e. as it says keep on activating that thought/feeling you are ashamed of and feel all of it. Do not try to change it. The more we tap into it, the more de-conditioned our reponse becomes. 

Presently, life has handed me manure but I will use that as life's fertiliser. 

Are we slaves to our emotions? I know we don't like to admit it we like to pretend we have everything under control but then life continues being life,  sweeping us off our feet with something new we never expected whether that's an event, a thought, a person or an emotion everything changes.  As Lion King goes "Everything exists in a delicate balance" 

So to remain under the illusion of permanence is a fool's errand. You can perceive that in a negative way fixating on the loss in your life or you could perceive it as every moment we spend with someone is precious. 

I am writing this also for a future reminder to myself, that life is messy, but our thoughts and our emotions do not define who we are our actions do. So if your holding onto an emotion from something that happened last week, month, year etc. It takes up too much of our energy holding onto the illusion of control. There is a saying that goes 'Life is what happens to us when we are busy making plans' - as much as I do enjoy planning in meticulous detail - uncertainity and untamed emotions will arise. 

Life can be exciting and if like me you get swept away by the negativity of the modern world, just take a minute to remind yourself that you are the author of your own story. So write a new one, one paragraph, one page and one chapter and one plot-twist at a time. 

- Han